


The True Real-Life Stories of TaylorMade

by TaylorMade



Category: True Life
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2018-10-24 19:24:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 3,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10748208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaylorMade/pseuds/TaylorMade
Summary: This is not really fanfiction, but rather a few fandom relatable stories from the real world as one fangirl tries to cope in a town where her kind are few and far between.This is actuallynotall fluff, believe it or not. I know this is unorthodox, but all comments and reactions are welcome.





	1. Lonely, Only Fangirl...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [All fans of all Fandoms everywhere...](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=All+fans+of+all+Fandoms+everywhere...).



> The following is PART of an actual conversation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lonely, Only Fangirl...

**Me:** "...so, I know we see them move in that episode we watched yesterday, but is that really accurate? Or was that to give the audience an impression of them moving? I mean, really, what do the Angels _actually_ look like when they're moving?"

 **My brother:** "Can we talk about something else? I'm getting sick of your Whovian rants."

 **Me:** "Sure. So in Harry Potter, I was thinking, there's no way Bellatrix is stupid enough to think Voldemort could ever really love her. It got me thinking about whether he might have been using Amortentia to control some of his followers and -"

 **Him:** "No. No Potter stuff."

 **Me:** "Uh, okay... Lord of the Rings? Scorpion? Star Trek? Marvel? Gunsmith Cats? Sherlock? Supernatural? Hunger Games? Charlie's Angels? Divergent? M*A*S*H? Watchmen? Percy Jackson? Batman? I'm wide open here."

 **Him:** "Don't you belong to any SANE fandoms?!"

 **Me:** "..."

 **Him:** "..."

 **Me:** "..."

 **Him:** "..."

 **Me:** "..."

 **Him:** "..."

 **Me:** "You don't actually know what a fandom _is_ , do you?"


	2. Headcannoned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Headcannon, Two reactions, and a Reaction to the Reactions

Okay, so I have this Doctor Who Headcannon...

Everyone knows Captain Jack Harkness is basically the super-charming king of all man-sluts. And I just can't shake the feeling that he would have hundreds of love-children scattered EVERYWHERE, agreed? So what if the Doctor just starts running into Jack's kids all over the place? And what if one of them latches onto him and he has no choice but to make that child a companion?

"UNCLE DOCTOR! I FOUND A THING! AND I POKED IT WITH A STICK, JUST LIKE **YOU** WOULD, AND THEN STUFF HAPPENED! HELP ME, UNCLE DOCTOR!"

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU KEEP FINDING ME?!?!?!?!" (Sighs, exasperated, relents) "Fine... Get in the T.A.R.D.I.S. and just... don't touch... don't do... Alright? I mean it, just... Just _don't_!"

Not a bad Headcannon, right?

But I explained it to one of my brothers, and I got a silent thousand-yard stare...

So I tried to explain it to one of my sisters, and as soon as she heard the word "Headcannon" she moaned and muttered something about wishing someone would hit _me_ in the head with a cannon.

Can you believe that?

So I wrote them both into a fanfiction and drowned them.


	3. Proper Representation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Representation vs. TRUE Representation - my thoughts

Okay. I finally figured it out.

Recently I saw a post online in which the person posting said he or she would like to see Poison Ivy as a P.O.C. I won't lie; this irritated me, but I couldn't put my finger on WHY it got under my skin so badly. 

First of all, I LOVE seeing all kinds of different people getting the representation they deserve. I should have been glad to see more diversity, right?

At first I thought I was just resistant because, when I was a child, Pamela Isley represented ME. _I_ was the very pale girl with reddish colored hair who never did well around people. Yes, Ivy's "thing" was plants, and mine was animals, but both are nature-based interests, and she was "my" character.

I thought I'd warm up to the idea after I dealt with the change, but several days later the concept of Ivy as a P.O.C. still sort of annoyed me.

I finally puzzled out the reason. It doesn't bother me because I inexplicably don't want P.O.C. representation. It doesn't even bother me because I'm losing part of what made Ivy represent ME.

It bothers me because little girls who watch the shows, who read the comics, who love heroes and villains deserve better than a revamp. They deserve new characters with new origin stories and new adventures. They deserve to be a real influence on where that character comes from. They deserve better than a half-hearted rewrite. They deserve characters that have represented them from the moment the idea for those characters was conceived. 

A revamp also steals from these kids in another way. By settling for an altered character, we are telling kids that men will always be more widely represented than women.

In cartoons, if a show is not predominately represented by male characters, it's considered a "girls' show". But it can be for both boys and girls as long as there are more boy characters. Why? Why should there be one girl and two boys? Two girls and three boys? Three girls and five boys?

If we challenge the idea that girls should be limited on the number of characters selected to represent us, then maybe, with the help of a new generation of girls who feel properly represented, we can slowly change some things that are greater than a few stories intended, primarily, to entertain.

Thoughts?


	4. Little Fangirls in My Head: An Illustration of the Inner Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens inside a fangirl's head when someone poses the question "But which is your _**favorite**_ fandom?"

**Inner Scorpion** : " _Favorite_ is too broad a term. I'm going to need charts, graphs, a few minutes to run some complex numbers and analyze the various timelines of each Fandom. Also, I need some information from you regarding how you define a fandom. Do you separate book and movie versions or are you one of those pervs who lump them all in together? I need more precise parameters to provide a proper answer."

 **Inner X-Man** : "I'm basically Rogue. I absorb all fandoms and blend their powers with my own. There is no separation. WE ARE ONE!"

 **Inner Bat-Fan** : "Gotham is safe under my watch. And Harlivy is strong. What more do you want?"

 **Inner Percy Jackson fan** : "Shhh! The gods fight amongst themselves enough! They can't hear that there are other fandoms! You think demigods want to be pitted against mutants and metahumans and geniuses and witches and - Are you sadistic or insane?"

 **Inner Tribute** : "You think we care about any of that? We're just trying not to die!"

 **Inner Whovian** : "Well, on it's surface, it's a fair question, but once you get into it, things get all wibbly-wobbly... Soooo.... It's sort of a _wrong_ question... Y'know... Like asking River if you can have a peek at her diary..."

 **Inner Sherlock** : *impatiently* "Always asking the wrong questions!"

 **Inner Potterhead** : "DON'T SAY _ALWAYS!_ "

Aaaand, while I'm in other fandoms, that's generally when my brain short-circuits...


	5. Uncle Martin

My great-uncle, Martin, is just this side of a century old. His mind does not know this. When he's at my house, he watches Doctor Who and Scorpion with me. More recently, I introduced him to Midnight, Texas. He loves Teen Titans and Suicide Squad and Deadpool. He's brilliant and just the coolest person alive...

He has a love of books, but a hatred for paperbacks. He says the covers don't hold up well enough. Plus, his vision is not great. He needs large print now.

So, after searching for ages, I finally got my hands on the holy grail - a complete set of the Harry Potter series in hardback and large print!

That was his 2016 Christmas gift from me.

He was really happy because he could finally find out "what the movies screwed up". But he reads kind of slow because his vision gets blurry if he tries to focus on the page for too long. So he's just now on Order of the Phoenix.

Today he called me and as soon as I answered he said, "Please tell me Umbridge dies."


	6. Update: Uncle Martin

Uncle Martin is now writing a fan fiction just so he can kill off Umbridge.

He says it will be "like a storybook, not a chapter thing", so I explained that we call those one-shots. Then he wanted to read some of MY favorite fics, so I pulled up a few (one at a time, of course) and let him read a chapter or two of each.

Long story short, my WWII veteran uncle now wants me to print out some whole stories for him to read, so a few of you will be receiving some messages from me to request permission.

Also, my Uncle now ships Harlivy.

I may have created a monster...


	7. Bleh!

You guys know that moment when you feel everything is just _**PERFECT**_ for writing or drawing?

You set aside the time you needed.

You have a plot laid out, ready to be written or a scene, ready to be etched to the page... Your pencils are sharpened, your watercolor brushes are ready, all your paper and supplies are precisely where you want them!

It's quiet, so you find your creative time playlist and start the music.

I mean..... The stars have aligned. All nine muses are whispering in your ear.

Even the cat decided napping was a better use of her time than playing a rousing game of "Pounce that Pencil"!

You take a deep, glorious breath. You put the tip of your pencil/pen/brush delicately to the surface of your blank canvas....

....

.... And promptly hear your asshole relatives screaming your name and telling you that they need your help with some stupid thing RIGHT NOW....

..... And then they hold you hostage for the rest of the day, and get angry that you want to be done with whatever they're demanding your assistance with because, and I quote, _**"WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU WERE DOING ANYTHING! YOU WERE JUST WASTING TIME ON THAT ARTSY GARBAGE!"**_

And then you imagine and embellish every gruesome death scene in every horror movie you've ever seen, right?

.....right.....

Exactly.

That has pretty much been my day nearly every day for years...

When I can finally buy the house I want, d'you guys wanna know the first home improvement project I'm gonna undertake is gonna be? A ten foot tall solid brick wall with an electrified razor wire at the top and an electrified wrought iron gate across the driveway. The words at the top of the gate will read:

"Admittance by Pre-Approved Invitation Only. Warning: gate is connected to a dedicated power source. Do Not Approach Without Authorization"

Works on relatives, criminals, and Jehovah's Witnesses...


	8. One E-mail....

This is an e-mail I just sent a friend after discussing with her what it was like for me to spend Thanksgiving Day with 103 of my relatives and random guests - several of whom I didn't know.....

 

*sends Santa a picture of the North Pole wired up to explode*

Dear Santa,

This is not a Christmas List; it's a ransom demand... Gimme my own place or your workshop gets it. I figure the little girl in "Miracle on 34th Street" got what she wanted because she was young and cute. Well, that's not me. I'm middle-aged and trigger happy and extremely stressed. So, "other measures"....

Deliver or else.

Sincerely,  
(My Real Name Inserted Here)


	9. Asexuality for Writers!

Asexuality for Writers

Okay, first of all, I'd like to explain where this is coming from. I have written asexual characters myself and found it to be a very simple matter, but I never see anyone else writing Ace characters at all. The few who have seemed to try haven't done it properly, either. These characters tend to end up as flat, background characters with no real story of their own. 

I have asked a few people if they would be willing to write in such a character, but no one has seemed especially eager unless I was also involved in the project. 

But if a straight person can learn to write a gay character and vice-versa, why is an Ace so difficult? It shouldn't be, should it? Perhaps it is because I am Ace myself... But it doesn't seem like much of a stretch to have a single Ace in a group without losing that character's importance. 

Someone recently said to me that it's hard to write about it if you don't really know what the Ace Experience is like, so this chapter is basically a compilation of information from my own experience as well as from a variety of other sources to provide fan fiction writers with valuable Ace Information. I hope that with this posted, more people will feel inspired to include an asexual or two in a story at some point.

So, here we go:

First of all, an Ace (asexual) is nothing more or less than a person who is not sexually attracted to others. A non-Ace will look at a person and think _"I'd love to get into HIS/HER pants!"_ and an Ace will think _"He/she is good-looking... I wonder where he/she found those awesome pants..."_

But there are different attitudes about sex even among asexuals. **Sex positive asexuals** are _willing_ to have sex. Some like it and seek it out. Others enjoy the closeness to their partner. **Sex repulsed asexuals** want _nothing_ to do with sex at all. It disgusts them. **Sex neutral asexuals** are _indifferent_ to sex.

Think of it like getting on a fast moving elevator. We're all familiar with that sudden, mild vertigo that makes it feel as if one's stomach has been temporarily left behind. Some enjoy it or think it's funny, others hate it and want to puke, and some calculate the science behind the physical reaction with no positive or negative connotations.

And sometimes (not always, but sometimes) an Ace will do "non-Ace" things to satisfy a non-Ace partner.

The important thing to remember is that a person's sexual choices do not invalidate their orientation. 

Now, the next common question: Does being asexual mean you don't love?

Ace people are very capable of love. People can have sex without love, and people can love without sex. One is not needed for the other to occur. There are aromantic people who do not seek romantic relationships (and not all "Aro" people are "Ace", FYI). But there are also romantically inclined asexuals. Who are they romantically attracted to? Well, take all sexualities and remove "sexual" from the word. Replace "sexual" with "romantic". There are hetero-romantics, homo-romantics, bi-romantics, pan-romantics, and so on. We run the spectrum.

Never forget that if a non-Ace person enters a romantic relationship with an Ace, the Ace does NOT owe his or her partner sex. It's a partnership and a choice. If the lack of sex bothers the non-Ace, he or she is capable of ending that relationship. You can address this in a story, have this as part of the conversation, but don't make it look as if an Ace owes his or her partner a sex life! That's part of what makes Ace characters go flat. Intimacy is not purely physical, after all. 

You can't "fix" asexuality by showing unwanted sexual attention in the hopes an Ace will somehow "learn" to reciprocate. Because you can't fix what ain't broke. Not joking, guys! You'll just come across as a predator and get yourself a face full of pepper spray... Or worse. Seriously, this is dangerous unless you like pain and/or police encounters... Too many of us have fallen victim to "corrective rape" (forced sexual contact intended to "cure" us of asexuality) to casually dismiss such advances.

Telling an Ace that "You just haven't found the right one yet" is offensive. Calling them a "late bloomer" is offensive. Assuming an Ace person is only "Ace" because they were molested or raped is offensive. Assuming there's something mentally wrong with an Ace is offensive. Telling us we don't belong in the LGBT+ community is nothing short of _hurtful_.

Never assume asexuals have it easy.

We grow up under the assumption that we are late bloomers. When we come out, people laugh and tell us "there's no such thing", or that we'll "meet someone someday who will change that". We enter into alleged "safe spaces" and are told "but you're straight". Asexuality is anxiety that we'll have to consent to sex to be loved - even if we don't want to. It's being told that we "have it easy" so often that we sometimes doubt our problems are real. There's nothing easy about that.

Ace teens will often feel pressured by their peers to begin dating. Many will lie and pretend to have a crush to avoid feeling like a freak. I, personally, had a gay friend with homophobic parents. We pretended to date each other for quite a long time. When he found a boyfriend, we convinced my sister to pretend to be _his_ girlfriend.

Hm. Now. The Black Ring. Asexuality is often (but not always) symbolized by a black ring on the middle finger of the right hand. (If you insult an Ace, he or she may gladly give you a salute with this ring, by the way.)

Aphobia exists. It's like homophobia, but against Ace people. Aphobics ask/say things like:  
1) How do you know you don't like sex? Have you tried it?  
2) Have you had your hormones checked?  
3) You don't know what you're missing!

4) **_I_** can fix **_that!_**

What next?

Ace jokes are terrible. No, not derogatory. Just... _terrible_....

"Two asexuals sitting in a tree  
S-I-T-T-I-N-G...  
Please call the fire department.  
We are stuck."

"Took my sexuality test today... And I ACED it!"

"Being asexual makes you the best at everything:

Ace Doctor!  
Ace Lawyer!  
Ace Scientist!  
Ace (lists endless careers here)!"

"There's an Ace up BOTH my sleeves!  
Oh, wait... It's me."

See? Terrible.

This is a starting place, anyway.

For the record, I am a sapio-romantic Ace, meaning I am romantically attracted to intelligence. (My girlfriend is an advocacy lawyer who represents children.) I am sex neutral. My girlfriend is also a sex neutral Ace.

Feel free to post questions here. I'll answer anything that is asked respectfully, and it's not a sensitive subject for me. Although questions like "So do you reproduce like an ameba?" will be removed without reply.

You can also look up AVEN (Asexuality Visibility and Education Network) for an even wider overview.

And here's the rub: now you all have enough information at you fingertips to write an Ace character - and, if you take up the challenge, I expect you to have other characters make mistakes about asexuality so that you can address those misconceptions. Facing those societal errors is a very large part of the Ace Experience. And here, on THIS site? We're writers. It's our responsibility to represent our characters properly. We have the power to educate as we entertain. So, as an Ace who longs for representation in stories I did not create myself.... I'm here if you need to ask about how to approach a situation or an issue. I'm counting on you guys.

Make me proud.

**Addendum:**

Just found this. I did not write it and I don't know who did, but I'm putting it here verbatim - grammar, puntuation, and all...

_one of my friends (very very extreme on the ace spectrum) was explaining being asexual to me and she said "tell me one person you would never ever, ever want to have sex with" and I was like "my mom, I guess." And she was like "okay, now just imagine that. How do u feel." To which I responded "oH MY FuCKING GOD ABORT ABORT ABORT MENTAL IMAGES pLS KILL ME NOW SET ME ON FIRE" and she said "yeah, well, that's basically how I feel about the idea of having sex with anyone."_

_And it was the most helpful explanation tbh_


	10. Doctor Appointment

Y'know, if a man in a blue phone box showed up at MY door, I'd probably scare the crap out of him.

 **Doctor:** "RIVER! There's an odd, frizzy-haired, reckless human trying to fly the TARDIS and IT ISN'T YOU! HELP ME!"

A second later:

 **Doctor:** "She's HANDCUFFED herself to the CONSOLE! Do we have a daughter you haven't TOLD me about? Why the bloody hell does she have an American accent?"

 **River:** "I don't know what you're talking about, Sweetie."

 **Doctor:** "My sonic isn't unlocking these handcuffs! .......... What are - ............ _ARE THESE HANDCUFFS MADE OF WOOD?!?!_ "

 **Me:** "I'm ready for you! Now take me out of here and don't forget my dog and cat!"


	11. That bang you just heard was my head hitting my desk...

I went to Uncle Martin's after work today to see if he needed me to secure anything before the next bout of bad weather we're supposed to have tomorrow.

And....

Apparently...

He had sat down and sewn a voo-doo doll in the likeness of Umbridge and he's now using it for a pincushion.

He made one for me that looks like Joker.

Guys, I didn't know the man could sew! And with his poor vision, I wanna know how he did this! 

HE DOESN'T OWN A SEWING MACHINE!!!


	12. Bombs vs. Relatives

Would you guys like to know the difference between bombs and relatives?

Bombs are less destructive, less distracting, less annoying, and a hell of a lot quieter!

Also, if there is an uninvited bomb in your house, no one gets mad if you try to dispose of it...


	13. Fangirl Birthday Party

I have a work-child. My work-child is 16 and she remembered her work-mom's birthday is this Monday. 

My work-child is the Huffliest Huffle to ever Puff. And she knows me pretty damn well.

She got me a Ravenclaw poster and an owl blanket and put them in a perfect blue bag with a perfect blue bow.

None shall harm my work-child. If they try, they shall die. And as a Ravenclaw, I _know_ how to get away with it. *glares at the New Girl at Work - who is CLEARLY a Death Eater*

**Author's Note:**

> More will be added as I recall them or as they occur.
> 
> Also, if anyone else has a similar story or event to share, I would be happy to post it here and give you credit.
> 
> Let's share our feels...


End file.
